Sometimes people don’t understand my humor and/or people just chalk it up to me being the weirdest dude they know. Well, sometimes I weird myself out too. I don’t understand dreams at all. This morning I woke up with the window open and my dog laying on the edge of the bed licking his paws and occasionally barking at anything walking. I should have figured that was just enough to wake me up and put me back to sleep for a few lucid dreams this morning. It’s always interesting when you can think in your dreams and do what you want. Ok, so not lucid in that I knew I was dreaming, but I was making decisions, albeit weird ones.
This dream was really weird. Ok, so let’s start with the fat lady who was beating up little girls. Oh yeah, that’s how it started, just jump right in with me. I am walking to my car and the whole atmosphere is dead grass and huge hills. I see this really large woman with coke bottle glasses and black nappy hair wearing a black wife beater shirt, black tight jeans, and a HUGE red thong sticking out of her pants…the classic whale tail. And she’s pretty much chasing these, maybe around 8 years old, girls around the outside of my car and punching them. Only, when she’d punch them they’d disappear, just poof! And it was more like a long arm whack versus a punch. So I’m walking to my car parked on a hill of dry brown tall grass in the middle of nowhere. As I start running to save the girls I can’t get there quick enough. All these girls are getting dusted by the fat lady with coke bottle glasses. She finally bonks the last one on the head and looks bored. Ut-oh she’s bored. I knew exactly what this meant. Yep, she see’s me. Now she starts waddling after me fast. I’m admittedly nervous that the fat lady will kill me and quickly I have to decide my plan of attack. Trip her? No. Fight her? No. Run from her? YES! So, I flank around her to the outside and just start high-kneeing it like a bat out of hell. She’s on my tail and all the sudden I can’t run fast in this tall brown dead grass. No matter how hard I try, it was like I was in a video game and she put in a Game Genie code to make me slow. I’m screwed. Her hands are just getting the back of my shirt. But then I finally gain just enough traction to cut around the back end of my car. Ol fatty doesn’t turn too well and I’ve found her weak spot. She’s got the turning radius of a semi-truck. Then I see now there is another car parked back where I came from off to the right in the distance and some woman is in that car. I’m now running with keys in hand to the other car. I am yelling to the woman to start the car, but when I get there she never heard me and the fat lady is on my tail gaining momentum again.
I know, I know. Where is this nonsensical dream going? I’m beginning to wonder myself. Annnnd we’re back. She has no interest in the woman in this car, just me. So my new plan is this: I’m going to run back to my car. I’ll use the unlock button on the key fob and have the key ready to put in the ignition when I get there. I should have just enough time to beat her back to the car and step on it. I start my trek back to the car and fatty is on my tail, she’s trying to trip me now and she’s all sweaty and dusty, but I have cat like reflexes and am hurdling every time she tries to trip me or grab at me. I Dukes of Hazard it over the hood of the car and get in and lock the doors. Car is started and fatty is pulling on the driver’s handle. I barely got in and I’m panicking. This is my normal Audi with all-wheel drive. But for some reason I can’t gain any traction…again! So, I am slowly chugging along and I can hear fatty trying to get in the car. She’s jogging along punching it and trying to find a way in. Just when I think I’m getting away from this area and from fatty, fatty shoves my car into the other car Godzilla style and the whole side of my car gets scraped up. I’m ticked off. I step on it again swaying all over the place but rocks and dust are now hitting fatty from every angle. I finally lose fatty and get away. I look in the rearview mirror and see dust everywhere filling the air and fatty in the middle of it all holding her fists in the air, back arched, and belting out a scream of frustration. And then Eddie stepped all too close to the twig & berries and I woke up instantly.
So what does all this mean? I don't know. Maybe I'm afraid of fatty 2 by 4's in tight black jeans.
This dream was really weird. Ok, so let’s start with the fat lady who was beating up little girls. Oh yeah, that’s how it started, just jump right in with me. I am walking to my car and the whole atmosphere is dead grass and huge hills. I see this really large woman with coke bottle glasses and black nappy hair wearing a black wife beater shirt, black tight jeans, and a HUGE red thong sticking out of her pants…the classic whale tail. And she’s pretty much chasing these, maybe around 8 years old, girls around the outside of my car and punching them. Only, when she’d punch them they’d disappear, just poof! And it was more like a long arm whack versus a punch. So I’m walking to my car parked on a hill of dry brown tall grass in the middle of nowhere. As I start running to save the girls I can’t get there quick enough. All these girls are getting dusted by the fat lady with coke bottle glasses. She finally bonks the last one on the head and looks bored. Ut-oh she’s bored. I knew exactly what this meant. Yep, she see’s me. Now she starts waddling after me fast. I’m admittedly nervous that the fat lady will kill me and quickly I have to decide my plan of attack. Trip her? No. Fight her? No. Run from her? YES! So, I flank around her to the outside and just start high-kneeing it like a bat out of hell. She’s on my tail and all the sudden I can’t run fast in this tall brown dead grass. No matter how hard I try, it was like I was in a video game and she put in a Game Genie code to make me slow. I’m screwed. Her hands are just getting the back of my shirt. But then I finally gain just enough traction to cut around the back end of my car. Ol fatty doesn’t turn too well and I’ve found her weak spot. She’s got the turning radius of a semi-truck. Then I see now there is another car parked back where I came from off to the right in the distance and some woman is in that car. I’m now running with keys in hand to the other car. I am yelling to the woman to start the car, but when I get there she never heard me and the fat lady is on my tail gaining momentum again.
I know, I know. Where is this nonsensical dream going? I’m beginning to wonder myself. Annnnd we’re back. She has no interest in the woman in this car, just me. So my new plan is this: I’m going to run back to my car. I’ll use the unlock button on the key fob and have the key ready to put in the ignition when I get there. I should have just enough time to beat her back to the car and step on it. I start my trek back to the car and fatty is on my tail, she’s trying to trip me now and she’s all sweaty and dusty, but I have cat like reflexes and am hurdling every time she tries to trip me or grab at me. I Dukes of Hazard it over the hood of the car and get in and lock the doors. Car is started and fatty is pulling on the driver’s handle. I barely got in and I’m panicking. This is my normal Audi with all-wheel drive. But for some reason I can’t gain any traction…again! So, I am slowly chugging along and I can hear fatty trying to get in the car. She’s jogging along punching it and trying to find a way in. Just when I think I’m getting away from this area and from fatty, fatty shoves my car into the other car Godzilla style and the whole side of my car gets scraped up. I’m ticked off. I step on it again swaying all over the place but rocks and dust are now hitting fatty from every angle. I finally lose fatty and get away. I look in the rearview mirror and see dust everywhere filling the air and fatty in the middle of it all holding her fists in the air, back arched, and belting out a scream of frustration. And then Eddie stepped all too close to the twig & berries and I woke up instantly.
So what does all this mean? I don't know. Maybe I'm afraid of fatty 2 by 4's in tight black jeans.
3 comments:
Yup. Pretty weird.
Meade, I just can't believe how involved in your story I got. I was all leaning forward in my chair towards my computer monitor worrying if you were gonna get away. It sure was weird...
It's ok - I did get away...this time.
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